12:30AM. The amount of ruminating thoughts that I have around this time is ridiculous. I was never one for trying things to calm my mind but falling asleep around 4-6am & waking up at 10:30am isn’t healthy. I blame it partially to everything that has transpired in the past week is insane. The fact that black women & men are still to this day fighting for their lives & their basic rights. This affects me more than I tend to let anyone know.

I didn’t tell anyone that I have experienced racism before in my 28 years of existence. Something that I never thought would EVER happen to me but I guess it was time to face reality. I am a black woman. Point blank period. I have feelings, I cry, I get angry & I bleed just like the next person. From being followed around the store whilst shopping to brands low balling me for my work or using my work without giving me credit/crediting someone else with my work! 

I am tired of being told “we have bo budget” but see white women being paid for that same campaign. It hurts. I’m sincerely hurt because the majority of the time my content is way better & does better but of course per usual I am overlooked. 

Why?

Why does the color of my skin offend so many people? It’s crazy how many racists have come out into the open since electing a new president! I just don’t understand. What prompts you to hate someone based on the color of their skin? Why do you? Don’t you think we have been tortured enough? Why have we deemed a threat even in this day & age? 

I am thankful to those who are educating themselves on the situation at hand & are actively raising awareness of the issues at hand. I am thankful for certain brands becoming more diverse & are willing to educate themselves as well. Although, I am hoping that they aren’t riding the wave of the Black Lives Matter Movement & actually put their money where their mouths are. That they are going to ACTUALLY be there for the black community. Give us the opportunities to showcase our work & pay us what we deserve.