Life Update : Inner Thoughts

Since Instagram is still being a pain the ass and I am still banned from posting ( even though I did nothing wrong ) I guess I will spend majority of my time updating my blog and telling you all about it. Where do I begin? I feel like lately there have been so much on my mind but I don't know how to put it into words. Seriously...? Where the hell do I begin?

As you guys already know...I recently went on vacation with my family. My Mum, my sister and her kids. Now, whilst I generally post about the positives on my Instagram..I tend to share the negatives and things that are a little more personal here on the blog. I don't even know if anyone actually reads my blog anymore ( I know some of you guys do & I thank you so much! ). I was initially excited about going on vacation because when I tend to travel it was always for work or to help my sister out when she was going through everything she was going through. The crazy thing is...I know family is important but I personally think that my family takes advantage of my kindness sometimes and it drives me crazy thinking about how it is never reciprocated. I never really ask them for favours because generally they tend to say no or just up and ignore me. Being the middle of 5 children...I have gotten used to being alone.

I am thinking about moving a little further away from my family. It's not like I see them often anyways. I just need to put myself in a situation where if they need help from me...I wont be around to drop everything again to go running. I want to put myself in that situation where I can start saying no & putting my foot down without being guilted in the end. How do I do that? Where do I begin? What does m mindset need to be like to achieve that goal?

That is literally just 25% of the thoughts that have been occupying my mind lately. Shall I continue? I don't want to bombard you guys with 1,000 words or even more ( I am not kidding when I say it's a lot ). Should I end this post as is & continue with a life update part 2?

I want to be able to live my life for me. I don't want to struggle with being in such a negative headspace around my family. Sometimes I feel like I am drowning right in front of them and they are too busy wrapped up in their own lives to notice. I am tired of putting up a facade. I want to sincerely smile and be happy.